Bitter, Bitter
by Vivax Raido
Summary: Rey is a struggling college student, and Ben is a barista with a bad attitude. Bitter can be sweet, under the right circumstances.
1. Chapter 1

September 2018

"…The only thing bitter about _The Falcon_ is that one barista's fucking attitude. Like, Jesus, I get that everyone hates their job, but a skinny dolce cinnamon latte with almond milk and two extra shots of espresso isn't that weird of drink choice. They do it at Starbucks, for heaven's sake." Rose took another sip of her drink, and sighed. "Want a taste? I swear it's good." Rey gave the sweet-smelling cup a tentative glance, and shrugged.

Oh, it was _delicious_.

"Well I'm sure that guy doesn't work every day. You could just go on the days he's not there."

"That's just it though, Rey. He's the only one who can make this drink right. The other barista, Finn I think, well, he's super cute, but the guy can't make anything more complicated than a cappuccino. I had him once, and it was…bad. Too sweet." She blinked. "The drink, I mean. And the only other main barista is Poe, and he's the manager, so he's usually busy with other things." She took another sip. "So you see my predicament."

Rey nodded. The need for caffeine was bottom tier on every student's hierarchy of needs. But, as she and Rose approached their last year of university, the need for good caffeine, something to drown out the stress and anxiety that came with being a senior, was becoming tantamount to oxygen. "I guess you just have to weigh your options. Or find a new coffee shop."

Rose took one last gulp of her drink, and turned to throw the empty cup away, sighing dramatically. "But The Falcon is the closest to my dorm. The next nearest is like five kilometres away. God, this is a harder decision than retaking micro-bio."

Rey patted her lightly on the shoulder. "I'm sure you'll make the right decision." She stood up, shouldering the messenger bag that was straining against the weight of the multiple textbooks she had packed. "Anyway, I gotta go; I asked Dr. Kanata to look over my proposal, and she's only on campus until 3."

"Okay, see you later, Rey!"

* * *

October 2018

It was about a month later, and right in the middle of midterm season, when Rey finally found herself gracing Falcon Coffee Co. It wasn't close to her apartment, and had Rose not consistently raved about the coffee and bemoaned the sporadic customer service, Rey wouldn't have noticed the hole-in-the-wall coffee shop, with its peeling wood door, and soft amber light that filtered out into the busy street. As it was, Rose had come down with a terrible cold, and nearly begged Rey to drive across town and fetch her her signature drink.

"I don't have time to sleep, Rey," She had snuffled from beneath a pile of kleenex. "I have to finish this paper tonight if I'm going to have time to study for my midterm on Friday. Please?"

"Rose, are you sure that much espresso is smart? It's like," She checked her phone, "6:30pm. You'll be up all night."

"That's the plan."

She sighed, "God, I can't wait until this is all over."

"You're telling me. I found like three grey hairs last week."

"At least you're not losing hair. I swear I loose a millimetre of my hairline for every paper Dr. Holdo assigns. You could just dye your hair."

"You'd look hot bald, though."

"That." She ran a hand through her soft brown hair (which was in desperate need of a wash). "Is not true." She paused. "Fine, I'll get you your damn triple espresso extra whatever, you dumb caffeine addict. Just promise you'll try to sleep when you're done the essay."

"I will! I love you to death, my hairless beauty."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'll fight that barista, if he's mean to you."

"God, I'd love to see that."

And so she found herself nearly drenched from the short walk from her car to the coffee shop, trying desperately to remember Rose's (not!) complicated coffee order.

 _Falcon Coffee Co._ gave off the vibe of a cafe that might have been popular twenty years prior, but due to neglect and the fickle nature of trends and time, had fallen into obscurity. Regardless, Rey spied new barstools lined up against the high, distressed wood counter that spanned across the full-wall window that dominated the shop's left side. The paint on the walls was peeling and stained, however, someone had thoughtfully placed a sticker over one of the larger stains that proudly proclaimed "We now have WiFi!" The floors, though scratched and worn, were clean, and the shine spoke of a new wax job. It was like a rusty, dented truck that, despite the unappealing exterior, and little monetary worth, was clearly loved and valued by its owner.

Rey smiled.

That is, until she caught the eye of the barista, who, although her presence had been announced by a cheerful bell, had been resolutely ignoring her. He was tall, with dark hair tied back into a half-bun that drew attention to a long, angular face. A face that looked supremely grumpy.

"Hi, um, could I get a… ah…" She mentally kicked herself for not asking Rose to write down her drink order. "A triple espresso, skinny, almond milk, cinnamon dolce latte? Please?" She added when she saw his eyebrows rise.

"No."

"Sorry?"

"No. You can't have that."

"Um, I don't understand. Why not?"

He sighed, dragging a large hand across his face. "Are you illiterate?"

"What?"

"Can. You. Read."

"What the f-of course I can read. What does that-."

He jabbed a finger at a small sign sitting next to the till written in calligraphic script. It read,

 _"Out of almond milk -Sorry!"_

"Oh." She stammered under his heavy gaze. "Um. I guess I'll just have it with regular milk, then? I think?"

His facial expression remained stony. "You think."

"Yeah, if it's possible."

"If it's possible for me to make a latte out of regular milk?"

She glared back at him, quickly losing whatever embarrassment had just been brought to life to anger.

"I'd like to order a drink, please. If it's not too much trouble for you to make. You know, as someone who works at a coffee shop." She said, rigidly.

His eyes darkened for a moment, and then he straightened up. His large body was thrown in odd contrast with the short counter and the small apron he was wearing. He looked entirely out of place in this cheery little shop, with his large hands, long legs and unpleasant expression. But, if Rose was to be believed, he was a regular employee here.

"That'll be $6."

She blinked, "What?"

"$6. For the _latte_ with milk. That you just ordered. Five seconds ago."

Rey blushed. "Here." She shoved a ten dollar bill at him. He moved towards the till and started counting out her change. Slowly. She sighed, finished with this entire encounter. "Keep it."

"What?"

"Just…Just keep the change, okay?"

He blinked, and then turned his back to her to start prepping the drink.

Rey walked away from the counter and sat down at a near by table to wait for him to finish. The coffee shop was playing music from some generic jazz playlist, and Rey found herself relaxing as she watched rain streak down the paned glass. She pulled out her phone and tapped through to her's and Rose's text conversation.

Rey - 7:05pm

 _"You'd better get ready to fight."_

Rose - 7:06pm

 _"Oh goddddd. What did he do?"_

Rey - 7:06pm

 _"He literally asked me if I was illiterate. They're out of almond milk btw."_

Rose - 7:07pm

 _"What an asshole! I'll kick his ass! And that's fine about the almond milk, I'm not allergic or anything, I just like how it tastes. Thanks again Rey you're the best :)"_

Rey - 7:08pm

 _"No problem! Love you :)"_

"Triple espresso, skinny, _regular milk_ , cinnamon dolce latte." The barista's voice cut across the cafe. Stowing away her phone, Rey turned to towards the door.

"Thank you." She paused. "Have a nice day."

He appeared not to have heard her.

Rey walked out of the shop wondering how on earth she had ended up tipping $4 for the worst customer service she had ever experienced in her life.

Hard-earned coffee in hand, Rey ran to her car. Traffic wasn't horrible, but the rain had made visibility difficult. She clutched at steering wheel, trying to merge, mind still somewhat in shock at the strange encounter at the coffee shop. What was his deal, anyway? According to Rose, that guy was always moody, but the way he had simply glared at her made the encounter feel personal. Rey didn't even know his name.

She supposed some people were just assholes. And she comforted herself with the fact that she didn't ever have to see him again.

She had driven about a block when there was a loud screech of tires and a loud thump, followed by the sharp revving of an engine. Rey slammed on her breaks, shocked out of her thoughts. The car that she had been following sped forward erratically, cutting off traffic in the opposite direction, and disappearing down a side street.

Lying on the side of the road was a prone figure, who had clearly just been the victim of a hit-and-run.

"Holy shit." Moody barista forgotten, Rey flipped on her hazards, and scrambled out of her car into the rain. "Oh god, fuck, are you okay?" She fell on her knees to the side of the man laying prone on the ground. She reached forward in an attempt to help him sit upright, then quickly withdrew her hand, recalling a vague memory of a first aid class she had once took. "Hey, hey, um, I don't think you're supposed to move."

The man groaned, using a shaking hand to pull himself into a sitting position. Rey widened her eyes. Apparently he was better off than she thought.

"Well, um, hey, just stay there then." She pulled out her phone, placing a hand on the man's drenched shoulder. She dialled 9-1-1 with shaking fingers.

"9-1-1, do you need police, fire or ambulance?"

"Um, ambulance, and police too probably? I don't know, ah, I just saw a man hit by a car."

"What's your address?"

"Um, I'm not sure. I'm a block away from Falcon Coffee Co. Coruscant street I think?"

"Okay, we'll send an ambulance over. Is the man conscious?"

"Yeah, but he doesn't look good." The man next to her groaned, clutching an arm that was bent at an unnatural angle. "I think he has a broken arm?"

"Alright dear, I need you to stay with him until we get there. Can you do that?"

"Yes, of course."

"Alright, we'll be there in a few minutes. I'm going to hang up now, okay?"

"Okay."

The line went dead.

Rey turned back to the man. He looked about her age, with dark hair and skin, wearing a t-shirt that was quickly becoming soaked with rain. "Here, um." She shrugged out of her rain jacket, and placed it around the man's shoulder's.

"Thanks." He said, eyes screwed up in pain.

"I'm Rey, by the way. I'm gonna stay with you until help comes."

"I'm Finn." A wave of pain seemed to pass through him "I'd shake your hand, but…"

"…Yeah, not a good idea."

Rey sat down next to him on the sidewalk, placing a cautious hand on his back, and when he didn't seem to mind, gave him a gentle hug.

"That was fucking insane, though. I guess you wouldn't have really been able to see the guy who hit you, but he didn't even slow down to look. Just drove off."

"Just my luck, I guess. Did you see if my phone was anywhere? I lost it when I went flying."

Rey looked around and spied the rectangular device several feet away. The screen was completely cracked, and when she pointed this out to Finn, he grimaced.

"Maybe it still works?"

Rey pressed the home button. "It's dead, I think."

"Shit. I was on my way to work, I gotta call…" His face screwed up as a fresh wave of pain passed over him. He panted, "I was late anyway, but Ben'll be pissed if I don't show up at all. He's got something up tonight."

"I'm sure this Ben will just be happy that you're alive."

Finn shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Dude never smiles. In any case, I should let my manager know."

The sound of sirens approaching interrupted them, and soon an ambulance arrived in a flurry of flashing lights. Rey waved them over, standing back as an EMT approached and began asking Finn a series of questions. Rey wrapped her arms around herself, shivering slightly. Finn was lifted into the ambulance, and although the EMT assured them both that it was just for cautions sake that they were taking him for x-rays and to check further for any internal bleeding, Rey felt a shiver of anxiety pass through her. She felt responsible for the man with the warm eyes and pained expression.

"You coming with us, Miss?" The EMT asked, prepping to leave. She paused.

"He's going to be okay, right?"

"Your friend will be just fine. As I said, just being cautious."

"Oh, he's not- I mean, okay, then I guess not." She looked up at Finn, strapped in the emergency stretcher. He smiled down at her.

"It was nice to meet you, Rey! Thanks for staying staying with me."

"No problem! Hey, did you need someone to call your manager?"

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot. I work at the coffee shop down the road. I don't remember the phone number by heart, but could you possibly run down there and tell them what happened? My manager's name is Poe Dameron. He's usually in the back, so just ask Ben up front."

"Sure! Which coffee shop?"

"Falcon Coffee Co.! It's the one with the peeling door."

Rey felt her heart sink.


	2. Chapter 2

The bell chimed as Rey stepped back into the little coffee shop. The barista, Ben, spied her from where he was aggressively wiping down a table. His eyes narrowed.

"You're back."

She ignored that. "Can I talk to your manager?"

He slammed the cloth down.

"Look, sweetheart, I can't help it if every goddamn hipster in this god forsaken city has suddenly decided they're lactose intolerant or vegan or whatever the fuck is trending with you people right now. We ran out of almond milk. That's not my fault, so don't come in here complaining about it."

"What?"

"Are you deaf as well as illiterate? I can't help it if we don't have your ultra special ingredients. If you can't deal with that, go to a different coffee shop. I won't miss the business."

"God, you're actually the worst, aren't you? This doesn't have anything to do with the stupid almond milk, but even if it did, you don't have to be such a stuck-up asshole about it."

He looked caught off-guard.

"Then what—"

"What's going on in here now?" The door behind the till swung open to reveal a man who looked to be in his early thirties with curly dark hair, bronze skin, and a towel over one shoulder. He froze at the sight of barista Ben with his fist clenched around the sopping rag, and Rey, arms, crossed, glaring daggers up at him. "Jesus, Ben, what have I told you about arguing with customers. I don't care what they say to you, you still have to be nice." He sighed. "I'm so sorry about this. Can I get you something? On the house, of course."

Rey stepped away from the table and approached the man. "Actually, no, don't worry about that. Are you Mr. Dameron?"

"God, that makes me sound old. Call me Poe." He wiped a dirty hand off on the towel. "What can I do for you? And I'm sorry, but I can't let you take a swing at Ben as compensation for his shitty attitude. I mean, I'm all for Ben finally getting his ass handed to him, but it can't happen on company property. Bad press and all that." He winked.

"Do people actually ask to do that?"

"More often than you'd think."

Rey laughed, and then reminded herself why she was here in the first place. "I'm actually just here to deliver a message from Finn. He's alright, but he was in a car accident, and I think he broke his arm."

Poe's face went from cheery smiles to serious in seconds. "Jesus, is he okay? What happened?"

Rey glanced at Ben who had paused from his rounds cleaning tables. "It's okay, he's gonna be fine. That's what the paramedic said. He was crossing the street and was hit by a car. I was behind the car that did it, so I saw everything." Poe looked visibly paler. "It's okay though," She reached out and placed a hand on Poe's. "He was conscious and talking. I called 9-1-1 and stayed with him until the ambulance came. I think he's actually angrier about his phone than his arm. They just took him to the hospital to make sure everything's good."

Poe ran a hand through his hair. "Oh my god. I gotta go to the hospital and see him. He's there alone without a phone."

Rey smiled up at Poe, "I'm sure the hospital has contacted his family by now. You don't have to worry."

Poe smiled back ruefully at Rey. "Finn doesn't have any family. He moved here when he was 18, and before that, he was in some shitty foster care system." He moved behind the counter and shrugged on a coat. "Ben, could I borrow your car?" He looked over at Rey, "The bus system in this part of town sucks, and my car's in the garage."

"Sure, Poe." Apparently finished with his rigorous cleaning, Ben moved to the counter and began searching underneath.

"I can take you," Rey blurted out.

Poe smiled. "You don't have to do that. You've done so much for us and Finn already."

"No really, I'd like to see how he is too. I have to stop off at my friend's place first, but it's on the way."

Poe seemed to consider her for a moment, and then a true grin broke out on his handsome face.

"Well, then! Your car it is. I guess now would be a good time to ask the name of our lovely saviour."

She smiled, "I'm Rey."

"Well Rey, consider yourself an honorary guest at The Falcon. I'm serious. Anytime you want coffee, scones, whatever, it's yours. On the house," said Poe, taking her hand and giving it a firm shake. "Are you in school?" Rey nodded, "Then you can come here after your classes. I know how important caffeine is to you students."

Rey spied Ben, who was now wiping down the espresso machine. He looked absolutely miserable. "That's really nice of you, Poe, but couldn't possibly do that. I drink a lot of coffee. I'd run you out of business." She smiled. That, and spending more time in the proximity of bad mood Ben wasn't something Rey was particularly keen on, even if Poe was a delight.

As if sensing her gaze, Ben looked up. "She's right, Poe. We can't just be giving out free food and drinks to every poor student that—." Rey cut him off.

"You, know what actually, Poe. You're right. I'd love to spend more time here. It is midterm season after all."

Poe beamed down at her, and the two left the cafe, the door swinging shut on Ben's furious face.

* * *

Ben Solo, formerly known as Kylo Ren, formerly known as Ben Solo, had always prided himself in his quick wit and above average grasp of the English language. His grades in university were a testament to this. His former job had been a testament to this. Which is why it didn't make any sense that, when she had walked into the Falcon at 7:00pm on a Monday night looking like a goddamn drowned rat (that he still somehow wanted to push up against a wall), he had choked.

She had looked so fucking happy in her stupid department hoodie and greasy brown bun, and so oddly in contrast to everything Ben had previously thought he was attracted to, that he was (understandably, he told himself) furious. But there he had stood, mouth gaping like some horny teenager.

He knew he had been rude to her. He was man enough to admit that she hadn't done anything to deserve his sharp words. But he couldn't seem to help himself, and the blush that rose to her cheeks when he caught her off guard had been so satisfying. It soothed his craggy soul. So he kept goading her, to see if he could repeat the reaction. He knew that was incredibly juvenile, but in his defence, he hadn't slept much the night before, and was anxious to get home to work a bit more on one of his projects. So it really hadn't had anything to do with her. Really.

Regardless, he was happy to see her leave, and definitely didn't turn around to check out her ass as she walked out the door, dumb latte in hand.

But then she was back, and Poe was basically inviting her to spend the rest of her life in the shop, and Ben was seriously considering putting his head through the espresso machine. Well, at least a fist. He had worked so hard to keep his emotions in check after The Incident. And although the emotions surrounding this girl, Rey or whatever, were of an entirely different sort (for one thing, she wasn't fucking related to him), he didn't think he could handle the way his stomach flip-flopped when she laughed, or threw Poe a smile.

It wasn't like he liked her, though. Yeah, he would probably fuck her if she could keep her goddamn mouth shut for five minutes, but Ben was young and had been single for over a year. That didn't mean anything.

Not a thing.

He punctuated the thought as he shaped the last of the maple-walnut scones he was preparing, pressing aggressively into the soft dough.

But being nothing didn't stop him from dwelling on the girl's sharp cheekbones and bright hazel eyes.

If Ben was to describe the girl in one word, he couldn't. She was too much and nothing at all, she was just… a blip on his radar, an absolute anomaly to his better senses, and he fucking hated it.

She was currently sitting at one of the round tables, drink her third (third! fuck you, Poe) latte and clicking obnoxiously on an ancient MacBook. She had offered to pay after the first, but still. He watched as a crease appeared between her eyebrows, as she tapped a finger to her teeth in thought.

Disgusting.

He turned and stomped through the staff door to check on the rest of his pastries.

* * *

Despite Poe's invitation, it was already two weeks later when Rey finally had the chance to go back to the Falcon. She had finished most of her midterms and was now in the process of editing several papers due the following week. The first day she had attempted to do her homework at the table that faced the bar, but soon found the sullen looks thrown at her by Ben to be…distracting. It wasn't really the fact that he seemed to actually hate her (if their few interactions were to be trusted). It was the way her heart beat faster and her stomach seemed to flip when she made eye contact with his dark eyes. He held her gaze with a ferocity that left her palms sweaty and her cheeks light pink.

Which was dumb, because he was an asshole.

So she had taken to the corner table in the shop. It had a view of the all the comings and goings of The Falcon, but was closeted enough that Ben's narrowed eyes were hidden by her laptop screen. Well, if she hunched a bit.

At that moment, the bell chimed, announcing the figure of Finn, arm encased in a cast and a sheet of paper tucked underneath the other. As Rey had predicted, Finn's arm had been broken in the accident, but that didn't seem to dampen the man's spirits one bit.

"Hey Rey, hey Ben. What's cooking?" He sniffed the air. "Or baking, I guess."

"Scones." Came Ben's muffled voice from where he bent behind the counter.

"Ah, yes! Rey, you gotta try Ben's scones. Poe and I insist. He's actually a great baker, somehow."

"Really? I wouldn't have thought." She turned to where Ben was now leaning against the counter, placing bright orange baking mitts on his large hands.

"Yeah, apparently pastries don't mind if you scowl at them all day long. —Only joking, Ben!"

Ben rolled his eyes. "It's not wise to insult the chef. Who knows what'll be in your next muffin."

"If it's as good as the last batch, I don't care what's in it. I'll die happy."

Ben smirked and went back through the staff door, presumably to check on his scones.

"Ben's weird, but he does make good pastries. Anyways, how are you doing, Rey?"

Rey smiled, and the two sat down to chat.

To her surprise and delight, she and Finn had become fast friends. They had both been in foster care, both were 23, and both had found themselves studying at the nearby university, Finn in graphic design, and political science, and Rey in engineering and psychology. Despite their vastly different subject interests, the two had formed an easy friendship, which was the main reason Rey kept coming back to The Falcon, despite Poe's insistence that she was always welcome.

"Anyways," Finn said. "I gotta go. Just wanted to drop by to fill out my timesheet, and say hello to my favourite ray of sunlight, and," he mussed up her hair. "Remind her to wash her hair once in a while." She stuck out her tongue at him and got up to hug him. He grinned.

"I might head out soon, too; it's past dinner time and I'm starving. And besides, my friend, Rose, said she'd bring over Pho later." She sat back down behind her laptop. "I just want to finish this point first."

"You finish that paper! Alright, see you later, my greasy Peanut."

"Hey, you don't have to rub it in."

"My glistening macadamia nut?"

"Finn, that is so much worse."

He waved as he left the cafe.

Rey settled back in her chair and looked over her notes. Although she was much more disciplined with her school work then when she was a first year, it was still a struggle to just sit down and work.

The sound of porcelain clattering on wood brought her out of her thoughts, making her jump slightly in her chair. She looked up to find Ben towering above her, and next to her laptop, a plate carrying a fresh pastry; the source of the clatter. She looked up in confusion, noting as she did that his normally dark hair was dusted in white. He said nothing.

She gave in. "What's this?"

"What does it look like?" He answered. He was so tall, she had to crane her neck to make eye contact.

"A scone."

He raised an eyebrow. "Then that's what it is."

"Um, I didn't order it though." The scone was drizzled with a rich golden glaze. Rey could see remnants on one of Ben's arms; the sticky icing contrasting with his pale skin. As if following her eyes, Ben raised a hand to brush it off.

"I know that." He was still standing there, uncomfortably close to her.

"Then why'd—."

"Do you want the scone or not?" He interrupted her, some of his usual hostility returning to his voice.

"No. I mean, thank-you, but I can't." She turned back to her laptop, expecting him to leave her be. He didn't.

"You've had like five lattes; I don't think calories really matter at this point." Rey gaped at him.

"Um, well that's incredibly rude. And I don't care about the calories." She'd worry about calories when she was done this hell of a semester.

Ben crossed his arms, apparently determined.

"Then take the scone." He said evenly.

"No, I can't."

He ran a hand through tangled curls.

"Why the fuck not?"

She glared up at him, tired, hungry and done with his impression of a twelve year-old.

"Not that it's any of your damn business, but I'm allergic. To walnuts."

He stared at her for a moment, and then stomped back to the counter, scone in hand. She saw him slam the garbage disposal open and throw the offending scone into it with more force than was strictly necessary. He seemed to be waiting for a reaction, and when she simply stared back at him, he walked through the staff door, shutting it determinably behind him.

Rey stared after him and then shook her head, turning back to her essay. Weird guy.

* * *

A/N: First, I just want to thank everyone who read, reviewed, favourited etc. chapter one. It really means a lot to me when people take the time to let me know what they think :)

If you have the time, please let me know what you thought of chapter two! I know it's cliche to say, but it really motivates me to write more.

Thanks again! -Vivax


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to thank you all for the wonderful comments and kudos on the first two chapters! They mean so much to me :)

Anyways, I just want to preface this chapter by clarifying that this fic takes place in Canada, and so the politics referenced in Ben's backstory are based on some real (and some fictitious) events in Canada. Additionally, there is some implied past emotional abuse/manipulation in this chapter. It's very brief, and doesn't go into any detail, but quite important to the story and that character's journey. If you want to skip to the fluff, skip the midsection of this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't know how espresso machines work.

Enjoy!

* * *

"…And then he just threw it away. A perfectly good scone. Granted, it would have killed me, but a fresh scone, nonetheless."

Rose and Rey had retired to the lone picnic table on the large lawn that sprawled between Corellia University's large buildings. Rey was nursing an iced coffee, despite the cooling weather, and was attempting to work on a research paper. Instead, she found herself regaling Rose with the tale of her latest encounter with barista Ben.

Rose snorted over her third cup of coffee. "What a drama queen. It's weird though, I wonder why he tried to give it to you in the first place?"

"I don't know? Maybe Poe told him to be nicer to me. He does keep telling Ben to be nicer to customers."

" _Has_ he been nicer to customers?"

"Well, no. He's still a sarcastic little shit. Still, I think Poe might have threatened him."

"Hmm yeah, maybe…although," A smirk grew on Rose's face, and she took a large gulp of coffee. "Maybe he's trying to be nicer cause he's into you?"

Rey nearly choked on her straw. "You've got to be kidding me, Rose. That's… he's horrible to me!"

"Yeah, but maybe he's just mad and pent up 'cause he realizes you're way too good for him. Dude probably jacks it to the memory of you yelling at him."

"Oh my god, please never say those words ever again. I do not want to imagine barista Ben doing anything."

" _Oh Rey_ ," she said, in an attempt to imitate Ben's low register. " _Oh sweetheart_ , verbal abuse me again, tell me my coffee sucks, and my scones are shitty—OHH." She made an obscene motion with her fist. Rey smacked her arm. "OHH REY—!" Rey clamped a hand over Rose's mouth.

She glared at her and then the pair burst into a fit of laughter.

"He probably does though, Rey."

"Rose, I swear to god, I'm going to puke if you keep talking about barista Ben masturbating."

"Fine, fine."

"Good."

"He is kind of cute though." Rey rolled her eyes. "In a Keanu Reeves meets Hulk Hogan kind of way. Without the moustache, obviously."

"I'm not talking about this with you anymore."

"C'mon, Rey, humour me, I'm dying with this essay."

She heaved a dramatic sigh.

"Fine. Maybe he's kind of cute —in a weird way. Maybe he was trying to be nice to me the other day. But that doesn't mean I forgive him for being an absolute asshole. And giving me one scone _definitely_ doesn't mean he likes me. It's his job to to do customer service. He hardly knows me."

"He gave you a scone, though. He's never offered me scones, and I go get coffee from him all the time. That seems like more than just doing his job. Maybe he's not so bad if it's the right person." Rose pointed out.

Rey sighed. "Rose, please stop trying to humanize barista Ben. He tried to force me to eat a death scone, if you remember. And then slammed it in the trash when I wouldn't murder myself in front of him."

Rose shrugged. "Rey, the guy is super weird. Maybe this is his way of flirting?"

"By trying to give me anaphylactic shock!?"

"Maybe he's into that."

"That'd be a weird fucking kink."

"Some people are just like that. I don't judge, and neither should you."

"Rose, I'll judge anyone who gets off on me dying. Anyway, he didn't know about my allergy until after he shoved the thing under my nose."

"And what a gentleman he was to remove the poisonous pastry with such haste after he knew. I wouldn't mind—hey, look!"

Like fate or destiny, or the world's worst coincidence, Rey followed Rose's gaze and spotted a tall figure with dark hair that was undeniably the property of barista Ben. He was walking next to a tall willowy woman who seemed to be in her mid 40's, sporting a bright pink bob, and wearing a well-fitted expensive-looking skirt suit. They seemed to be talking amicably as they headed towards the parking lot.

"Oh shit."

"It's fate, Rey."

"Shut up."

"True love."

"You're too much. If you're so obsessed with him, you should go after him." Rey pushed her friend in Ben's direction.

She shrieked. "No! Rey, no! He'd murder me for looking at him."

"Yeah, and he'd probably stab me if he caught me staring, so…"

"Stab you with his dick."

"God, Rose. Get laid already." She closed her textbook, distracted by this new development. "I wonder why he's on campus, anyways. I thought he was too old to be an undergrad student."

"People are multi-dimensional, Rey; bad mood Ben can't be horrible to just us coffee patrons. This shows he has some initiative and has branched out to bullying a new demographic. Pink-haired MILFs, for one."

Rey frowned and watched as the woman said something and placed a hand on Ben's shoulder. Instead of brushing it off like she would have expected from the moody barista, Ben smiled down at her. Or at least, that's what Rey thought his mouth was doing, having never encountered a Ben that didn't look disgusted, or at least vaguely pissed off. But Ben's face was softened somehow by the action; the cold angles of his long face were transformed into something kind, and almost…ugh…pleasant? Warm? Possibly? Rey stared, caught completely off guard.

Suddenly, as if drawn by her wandering eyes, Ben's locked with hers. He kept listening to the woman, but his brown eyes had widened in recognition. As if burnt by the intensity of the contact, Rey felt her pencil slipping out of her suddenly clumsy fingers. And then realizing that she had been caught staring at _barista Ben_ , and he was _staring back at her_ , Rey felt her cheeks flush an angry red. Cursing, she bent down to retrieve the fallen utensil. When she straightened back up, Ben had turned his back and was holding a car door open for the pink haired woman, a hand hovering protectively as she climbed into the driver's side. His tall frame straightened and he gave a small wave to the woman before walking stiffly in the opposite direction.

Rey was…flabbergasted.

Rose looked at Rey, eyes wide, having watched the entire exchange. "Umm, what the fuck? What the fuck did I just see? What is barista Ben doing smiling and holding doors for Laura Dern's pink twin?"

Rey looked at her friend, eyes just as wide in surprise, "Well, not bullying her, apparently."

* * *

Rey didn't see Ben for at least a week after the incident on campus. Which was a welcome relief, as Rey still didn't know how to contend with her weird reaction to seeing Ben do something as simple a smile at another woman. It didn't matter the corners of his mouth tugged his mismatched features into something…more than okay. It was bad with a capital B, and Rey didn't want to be reminded about it, or what else B had become to represent in her mind.

And somehow she had still been drawn into a conversation with Poe about the object of her… _ruminations_.

Poe was complaining about yet another apology he had been obliged to give to a man who had asked Ben if the shop sold gluten free muffins.

"It's not even like we couldn't sell them if we wanted to. We'd probably make money on it too, and it doesn't hurt to be inclusive in our food options. But Ben insists on using his own recipes, and I honestly I don't really care as long as he does cuss people out for just asking."

Poe sighed, and ran a hand through his dark curls.

"Honestly, I think he was just born insufferable. Can't begin to imagine how that happened though; his parents are amazing people."

Rey looked up from the abstract she was skimming.

"You know his parents?"

"Yeah, they're the one's who own this place actually. Well, Han does. Leia just tolerates it —more so now that I'm in charge! Leia actually insisted that I take over the Falcon after Han almost ran it into the ground for the third time. He's more interested in restoring old cars anyways. That's what the coffee shop is named after, his '58 Ford Falcon. The shop was just an attempt at a stable job, but that was never Han's style."

Rey turned this new information over in her mind, frowning slightly.

"That's really kind of them! But, if you don't mind me asking, why doesn't Ben run the place, if he's their son? I mean, I'm sure you do a great job, but…"

He waved away her tentative inquiry with a smile.

"It's cool. I know it looks odd. Ben, uh well, he hasn't actually been around his parents for the last seven years. Otherwise I'm sure Han would've offered him the position. Ben's actually quite smart, despite the fact that he spends most of his time insulting other people."

"Why was he gone? School?"

"Nah, he graduated a while ago. He was top of his class and graduated with his BA in three years. Han likes to brag about that. He then started at Devaron School of Law, but he transferred abruptly during his last year. Scouted by some organization that wanted him closer to them. They offered to pay off all his loans among the promise of a top position at an affiliated law firm when he was done school. Leia's pretty closed-lipped about the specifics of the whole situation, but I think that's for Ben's sake. She wants him to get past what happened as much as she wants to forget about it."

Rey's eyes widened. "What happened?"

"Well, what I understand is, the organization that recruited Ben wasn't necessarily, uh, aboveboard, so to speak. Shifty business dealings and information trading and that kind of thing. And the position ended up being less about Ben's ability as a lawyer, and more of a ploy to get information on Leia and other progressive senators." Rey looked confusedly at Poe. "Oh, I guess you wouldn't know if you only moved here a few years ago. Ben's mom is a senator. Leia Organa-Solo. She was a firecracker when she was young; very left leaning, very pro-indigenous rights, pro-gay rights, etcetera. That's where I met her for the first time, actually. She came to a a rally I organized for marriage equality before it was legalized in 2005.

"Anyway, conservative politicians hated her, but she rose to be Leader of the Opposition. Consequently, her resistance against some of the pro-Harper senators gained her a lot of enemies, and these enemies wanted dirt on her. Leia thinks that's when Snoke started to groom Ben. She found out later that Snoke ran a side organization that specialized in trading information, and was probably hired by one of the other senators. Snoke started coming to rallies that Ben was at and was very interested in Ben's plans to become a lawyer. Ben wasn't interested in Snoke at first, and then suddenly he was. We don't know for sure what actually happened, because Ben has never really spoken about the specifics of what Snoke did to convince him. Leia won't push him. He was apparently fifteen when it started. Still in high school."

Poe frowned, looking troubled.

"Anyway, I'm sure Ben eventually figured out he was just a tool for information, but I guess he was in too deep to cut ties. Maybe he thought he wouldn't be of much use; he's never been really close with his family anyways. But apparently the organization had gleaned enough, and there was suddenly a campaign to against Leia that targeted some mistake she had made when she was much younger. It was horrible for her. She had lost her son and was about to lose her career.

Han took it hard, too. I was already managing _the Falcon_ by then, so I could tell, even if Leia didn't talk about it. Han and Ben have never been too close, but he still loved his son and blamed himself for not being a better role model." Poe sighed.

"He broke down last Christmas dinner. Ben wasn't there, obviously, but I think it was the fact that he had been seen in the news endorsing Snoke's new platform that really tipped the scale for him. It also probably didn't help that Ben had officially legally changed his name two months prior.

"According to Leia, Han just snapped later that night. Was silent all through dinner, although I could hear him trashing something in the garage when Finn and I left. He apparently took the Falcon out to be by himself, but ended up breaking into the building where is was rumoured the Snoke's organization was housed. I don't think he expected to burst into a meeting being run by his son, but that's what happened.

"There was an argument and then a fight when security was called in. Han ended up being hurt, badly, like broken nose and ribs and internal bleeding, and Ben seemed to have a change of heart about the direction of his life. Funny how that happens after you watch the shit beaten out of your dad. Ben called Leia, and I saw him briefly at the hospital. I've never seen anyone look so fucked up about something.

"Anyway, a day later there was a news release. Apparently, Snoke Enterprises also had ties with a blackmarket drug ring, according to an anonymous tip, and the whole organization was shut down. Not one technically knows who leaked the information, but Leia is sure it was Ben. But since _Ben Solo_ had never been employed there, there was no way to connect anything to him. And a week later he started working here."

"Wow. Jesus. That's, well, that's a lot."

"Yeah, I was kinda crazy when it was all going down…Uh, Rey?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't mention that you know about this to Ben, okay? A lot of it isn't strictly public, and besides, Leia'd appreciate if we allowed her son a chance at a normal work place, even if he is the world's worst employee. I guess I told you because I also want Ben to have a chance at normal human friendships." He smirked, and then looked serious again. "I guess what I'm saying is, if you know the kind of shit he went through, it kinda makes sense that he is the way he is."

Rey smiled, and put a hand reassuringly over Poe's.

"You're a really good friend, Poe. Don't worry, my lips are sealed."

* * *

As the end of October drew closer, and the summer sun gave way to its weaker cousin, Rey found herself taking advantage of the crisp weather to don as many of her fall accessories as was possible. This golden weather only lasted several weeks before the dappled light was replaced by fog and soggy sock weather; Rey wanted to make it count. She was unwrapping herself from her large scarf and setting down a pile of textbooks, when she heard a loud clank followed by the unmistakable voice of Ben Solo letting out a stream of curse words.

"Fuck! Stupid goddamn machine."

Pausing with one glove off, Rey looked towards the counter.

"Um, what's up?"

"Espresso machine's jammed. You're going to have to wait if you want a latte." Ben said, muttering further threats at the machine in question under his breath.

"That's cool. I'm not in any rush." She really wasn't. Rose was using her dingy apartment to practice her final presentation as her dorm roommate was busy entertaining an out of town boyfriend. She loved Rose, but she needed to study in (relative) peace. Besides, after the intense eye contact she and Ben shared on campus, (there was no other way she could phrase that in her mind), and Ben's puzzling actions with the pink lady (Rose had started calling her that), Rey found herself increasingly drawn to the Falcon. Ben was an anomaly, and she was intrigued.

She sat down at her usual seat and started organizing her laptop and textbooks, and settling into her routine.

"Ouch! Shit fuck shit shit." A loud clatter. Rey looked up.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

"Burnt myself." Ben glared at the offending device, grasping his right hand.

Curiosity getting the best of her, Rey approached the counter. The machine was hissing steam.

"What's wrong with it?"

"There's a bit of grounds stuck in that part." He pointed with an uninjured finger. "I was trying to get it out."

She leaned over the counter to take a better look.

"Hmm, yeah it's really pressed in there. Did you try using a stir stick?"

"Yeah I did, but the grounds are all stuck around the back. I couldn't get it all. And my fingers are too big; I slipped and burnt myself."

Rey glanced at the fingers in question. Well, he was right, they weren't small. She could just imagine what Rose would say.

"I could try? If you want? Smaller fingers." She wiggled them at him. He paused, eyes lingering on her hands, then nodded. She moved around the counter, careful to bump into him as she moved to face the machine. After peering through the small opening, she straightened up.

"I think I can get it. We should probably wait until it cools a bit, though."

"Alright."

"So—"

"Yeah."

"Yeah." There was a long pause in which Rey found herself thinking desperately for something to say. "Uh…the weather's nice today! I'm going to miss this when I go back home. I wish I could just live in October forever."

She mentally slapped herself. _She was talking about the fucking weather._

Ben seemed just as awkward. He scratched to back of his head with his uninjured hand.

"Yeah, uh, it's nice. Warm."

"Yeah."

"Yeah." Ben was staring just past her out the shop's window, not making eye contact. "So, you're not from here?"

"Did my accent give me away?"

"No, you just said…"

"Yeah, I know, I was just…never-mind. I'm from London, actually. But I wish I lived here."

"So you've said."

She looked at him, arms crossed over his broad chest, and swallowed.

"I think it's probably cool enough now."

He gestured towards the machine. "Be my guest. Honestly I wish I could just punch through the machine and buy another. But Poe says that's not an acceptable use of company money."

"We could just say you slipped and fell on it?"

"Fist first?"

"Stranger things have happened. And I'd vouch for you."

"Would you now?"

"Yep. You forget that I have a vested interest in a working espresso machine. You're lucky I like your lattes so much." She grinned up at him, digging around in the machine until she felt an absence of grounds. "I think that'll probably do it. This machine will live to serve another cup, I'm afraid."

Ben looked grim. "Maybe next time." He paused. "Thanks, Rey."

"It's no problem. It would be rude of me not to share my small hand privilege."

"Right, well. Many thanks to your delicate fingers."

She shot him a look, pretending to be offended.

"My hands aren't delicate." He raised an eyebrow and one of his own large hands. "Okay, well maybe in comparison to _yours_. But you're massive all over so it doesn't count."

She felt heat rush into her cheeks as she realized what she had just said.

"I mean, like, you're super tall. And broad." Oh god. "I mean, you're proportionate. To your hands." She gestured vaguely at him. "Yeah."

"Okay." Ben looked slightly confused.

Why was she commenting on the size of his body? What was wrong with her? _Shut up, shut up, shut up_.

"Anyways, I've got to go work on some…stuff."

She turned and walked quickly back to her seat, trying to ignore the way Ben had run long fingers through his hair as she spook. She sat back down at her table and told herself to concentrate at the task at hand. Slowly she found her rhythm and was typing resolutely away. Hours past, and eventually the word document began to resemble an outline. Blinking her tired eyes, she got up to use the restroom.

When she came back, there was a fresh blueberry lemon scone next to her laptop, and when she looked towards the counter, no sign of Ben.

* * *

A/N: Ahhh a little intrigue, and a little fluff. Who is this pink haired lady? Are Ben's hands really that big? Does Rey have a thing for hands? Stay tuned, my dudes.

Thanks again for reading. Drop a comment below if you're inspired to do so :)

Chapter 4 should be out mid next week, if life doesn't entirely get in the way.

I'm vi-vax on tumblr


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: ICBC stands for the insurance corporation of British Columbia. They deal with car accidents (among other things) and I hate them.

* * *

 _Eleven Months Prior — December 2017_

Ben stood in the sterilized hallway, bone-tired, and emotionally drained. A nurse brushed past him, but he couldn't bring himself to enter the room and face the consequences of the past eight years. To look his mother in her eyes.

He could just turn away. Go back. Return to the life he had made for himself with Snoke and Hux. He looked down at his battered right hand, and barely suppressed a smile despite the dire nature of the situation. Well, maybe not Hux. The man would probably never forgive him for breaking his nose. And probably his jaw. Maybe a rib? It wasn't like Ben had stayed to assess the damage to his former coworker. As soon as Hux had laid his stun baton across Han Solo's back, Ben had snapped. Everything, every small inconvenience, every reason he had had for hating his family fell away in that moment until it was only Han, his father, lying on the floor of the conference room, body broken…

He knew he had done the right thing, but he couldn't help the anxiety gnawing at his adrenaline-frayed nerves that told him he was wrong, he was throwing everything away, he would never be anything without Snoke.

He just wanted to sleep. Sleep, and go back to being fifteen. He wouldn't have gone to that rally. He wouldn't have run away right into Snoke's welcoming arms. He'd have run back to Leia and Han, and just stayed Ben.

But he was twenty-eight, an adult, and he was _so damn tired of running._

He raised a fist and knocked.

His mother opened the door. They stared at each other, each taking in the changes that eight years had made. Ben broke eye contact first.

She ushered him inside and retook her place at the side of Han's unconscious figure. Neither of them spoke. Ben took a seat next to his father and examined the face he knew so well. Well-lined, life-worn, but still his father. His throat felt tight.

Time passed and neither broke the silence.

It was when rays of the weak December sunlight began to illuminate the dusty hospital blinds that Leia spoke. Her voice was quiet and creaked from disuse, but it was strong with emotion as it cut through the silence.

"Ben, _oh Ben_."

Ben couldn't seem to raise his eyes from where they hand fixated on the cut across Han's face. Leia reached across so that her hand was inches away from his. They didn't touch. Ben was grateful.

"Ben, look at me, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was a bad mom, and I'm sorry I didn't realize what was happening until it was too late."

Ben looked up for the first time since entering the room. Leia's eyes were soft, and brown and determined.

"Mom really, you can't blame yourself. I—"

She cut him off. "Don't interrupt me. I know I've been a shit mother, and you're twenty-eight and grown up, but it's been too long since I've been able to talk to you and goddammit, Ben Solo you will listen to me right now."

He shut up.

"I was a bad parent. I admit it. I put my job first, and I should have been aware of what that would cost me. But doesn't mean you didn't fuck up in a spectacular manner, because you really did. You hurt a lot of people—"

"—Mom, I…"

"Please shut up Ben, I'm still talking. I'm not asking for you to apologize, in any case."

"Then what—"

"Ben. Please. Just let me say this." Leia sighed, suddenly looking her age. "I'm not asking you to tell me what Snoke did to convince you."

Ben felt himself stiffen.

Leia noticed his discomfort. "I'm not, and I never will, unless you want to tell me. You don't owe me that information, anyways. All I ask is that you talk to _someone_ about what happened."

"What?"

"Ben, you hurt a lot of people. People that I love, and have worked my whole life to protect. I can't just let that go." She looked worn, defeated. "I need some sort of confirmation that you've changed, Ben."

"I'm here aren't I?"

She smiled, her eyes sad. "You are. And I can only imagine what it took to leave that all behind. But the past doesn't just disappear, and healing isn't done in isolation. And," Leia looked up at him. "I'm afraid I can't help you in the ways you need." She looked utterly exhausted, clutching Han's hand.

Ben nodded, slowly. "What do you need me to do?"

* * *

 _Present Day — Late October 2018_

"Ben, it's not that hard to understand. How do I get ICBC to pay me the highest amount possible without having to literally go to court?"

Ben and Finn were both seated at one of The Falcon's round tables. The day had been slow customer-wise, so at Poe's behest, the two had begun to decorate the cafe for Halloween. Well, at least Ben was. Finn had abandoned the pumpkin he had been carving in favour of pestering Ben for legal advice.

"I don't know why you're asking me for advice, Finn. I really don't know much about insurance corporations." He resolutely stabbed his knife into his pumpkin.

"Yeah, but you were a lawyer. You scammed people for a living, so you must have a sixth sense for it."

Ben sighed. "I really don't think you know what lawyers do. I didn't scam people. I was the one preventing the scamming." _Well, at least at the beginning._

"Well, I'm trying to prevent myself from being scammed. Poe says they always low-ball you at first and you have to firm with them, but I hate being mean to people."

"You don't have to talk to them in person, you could just do it over the phone."

"You still have to talk to them though."

"Look, you're not going to be able to do anything in life if you're terrified of upsetting people."

"That's why I asked you. You have no problem upsetting people."

Ben glared at him

"Fine, fine, I'll drop it." He twiddled his carving knife with his uninjured hand. "What's that supposed to be, anyways?" Finn gestured to Ben's pumpkin with the knife.

"Don't worry about it."

"It looks like an octopus but like, with stubby arms."

"No it doesn't." Finn raised his eyebrows. Ben sighed. "It's a ghost." he admitted, begrudgingly.

Finn cocked his head to the side, considering the pumpkin like an art collector in a run-down gallery. "Yeah, I guess it does kinda if you squint a bit." Ben rolled his eyes.

"If you don't like it, you don't have to look at it."

"No, no… it has a sort of… charm to it?"

"Go back to trying to scam ICBC."

"I'm just trying to get what I'm owed."

"If you keep insulting me, I'll give you what you're owed—."

The door opened with a chime, and in swept Rey, her hair piled haphazardly in a bun, and her books clutched just as chaotically in her arms. She caught sight of the two of them.

"Hey Finn! I got those insurance books you wanted. My professor says you can borrow them until the end of term if you'd like."

She dumped a pile books on the table, narrowly missing some stray pumpkin sludge.

"Thanks so much, Peanut! Ben's been absolutely useless."

"Hey—"

Rey turned to him, looking as if she had just noticed he was there, and the insult he had been aiming a Finn died in his throat. She caught his eye and smiled, awkwardly, down at him, shifting her remaining books so they rested on her hip.

"Uh, Hey Rey." He said as he stabbed his pumpkin with his carving knife once again.

"Hey Ben! Espresso machine giving you any trouble today?"

"You've no idea." He said darkly. Rey laughed, and he felt a smirk tug at the corner of his mouth, in spite of himself.

"Well, I'm just a shout away if you need to utilize these fingers again."

"I'll be sure to yell loudly." He deadpanned.

She snorted and then suddenly looked awkward.

He sensed Finn's eyes on the back of his head.

"Anyways, I've got to go. It was nice seeing you guys. Bye Finn, Bye Ben. Nice octopus!"

"I— Uh, yeah, thanks. Bye, Rey."

The door chimed after Rey's retreating figure. Ben ignored Finn's prying eyes.

Ever since the day Rey had helped with him with the espresso machine, Ben had avoided thinking about the way she had so kindly offered to help him after he had been, well, _horrible_ to her. He definitely wasn't about to start analyzing the numerous times she had mentioned the size of his body in proportion to hers. Because that would most certainly lead to him pondering how well she had fit wedged between him and the coffee machine, and how she'd blushed when she gazed up at him, and…

Fuck. He raked a hand across his face, inadvertently smearing pumpkin guts on his forehead.

Yes, maybe he appreciated the way her ratty tights emphasized an ass that belied a rigorous squat routine. He was human, dammit, sue him. And yes, maybe his hands felt a bit sweaty when she smiled at him. It wasn't his fault her eyes seemed to pierce right through him. And fine, maybe he had baked nut-free scones just in case Rey came in again when he had been working. That didn't mean he didn't find conversing with her completely irritating, and it _certainly_ didn't mean he felt more than lust towards the girl. _Really._ Why the fuck was he even still thinking about this.

He heard the door chimed again, and looked up to see Poe entering the shop.

"Hey Ben! What did you end up deciding to carve?"

"An octopus."

* * *

 _Eight months prior — March 2018_

He had sat in his car for half an hour in front of the nondescript grey building, business card clutched in his hand.

Dr. Amilyn Holdo, registered psychologist, had come highly recommended, and as such, it had taken several months for him to book an appointment. He drummed his fingers against his steering wheel, trying to calm the anxiety that was welling up within him. It wasn't that he was opposed to seeking therapy, god knew he needed it. But it had been a distant eventuality when he had agreed with his mother; now that the prospect of having a stranger know things about him, of explaining his past decisions to said stranger, and then have them pick apart emotions that he'd kept hidden since he'd been a teenager, was minutes away, he could barely suppress the urge to turn his car around and forget about any promises of recompense.

 _9:27 AM_

He sighed, and went to drag his tired body out of his car, consigning himself to this inevitability.

The secretary was friendly. Probably a conscious hiring decision, he thought as she handed him several insurance forms to fill out. Leia had offered to pay for the therapy sessions, but Ben had vehemently refused. He had enough money, and god, Leia had done enough already. He handed back the completed forms, and waited for Dr. Holdo.

She was nothing like he had imagined. She was tall and regal with a kind smile and pinkish-purple bob. The height and the smile were in the realm of potentialities that he had prepared for; the hair had thrown him for a loop. She smiled at him, and ushered him into her office.

The first half-hour went by faster than Ben had anticipated. She asked him simple questions; how old he was, what he went to school for, what he did for work. When he mentioned that he worked as a barista at a coffee shop, but used to be a lawyer, Dr. Holdo raised an eyebrow. He sighed, knowing they had arrived at Snoke.

He began to explain, in the vaguest terms possible, the different aspects of his employment with First Order Inc. At Holdo's behest, he began to elaborate, slowly, on his relationship with Snoke. The way Snoke seemed to switch from rage to kindness at will; the way Ben had first learned to sense the shift in the old man's moods, and later how to placate him.

"Did you enjoy working for Snoke?"

He shrugged. He fixated on the clock in the left corner of the room. "It was hard. Nothing…nothing was freely given. Everything had a price. But I had a place. I had respect, and I…I earned Snoke's kindness."

His stomach twisted; he felt disgusted with himself for admitting so much.

Dr. Holdo's eyes were soft. He couldn't hold her gaze.

"Kindness is not a commodity, Ben. True generosity doesn't imply reciprocation."

Ben picked at a spot on his hand. Dr. Holdo continued.

"None of what Snoke was to you denotes genuine kindness or generosity, Ben. I need you to realize that the relationship you have described to me was unhealthy; imbalanced." Ben frowned, and started to speak, but Holdo held up a hand. "I'm not here to judge you, or make judgements on other people's actions. That's not my job. But before we start this process, Ben, I need you to know that there are people in your life who won't expect you to barter for affection. It'll be something that's hard to unlearn, but that's why we're here."

Ben stared at her, vulnerable under her sharp gaze.

"Isn't that what this is, though? Another transaction?"

She raised a manicured eyebrow, and Ben felt a surge of rage rise from the pit of his stomach. He had seen this look in a mentor's eyes before; he recognized this piercing intelligence.

"It's obvious, isn't it? I sit here, you listen to my sob story, paraphrase a bit and spit out some pre-scripted platitude, and then I'm stuck with the bill. It's all the same. You're naive to ignore the reality that everything has a price. Life isn't free."

"Is it the nature of a counselling session that bothers you, or my apparent apathy?"

"How can you possibly _genuinely_ care about my problems? You don't know me at all. You met me half an hour ago."

"Is it so odd for someone to simply want the best for you?"

"Snoke wanted the best for me. Look where that got me."

"Snoke never wanted anything that he didn't take from you, Ben."

"He didn't force me. I— I chose to go to him." The words we for his ears as much as they were for hers.

"You did."

"I could have left earlier."

"You could have. What stopped you from leaving?"

He looked at her, deliberately holding her gaze.

"I didn't want to. At least not at first. The power afforded to me by Snoke… it was exhilarating. It made everything worth it. I finally felt like I was in control of myself. I where I was meant to be.

"What changed?"

"The jobs changed. The Alderaan policy that I worked on draining resources for for five years finally declared bankruptcy and I had a lot more free time. Snoke was impressed by my work and put me in charge of one of his satellite operations." Ben felt the word tumble out of him without care for the secrets he was revealing. Soon, the entire affair, his rise in the company, his use of subterfuge and secrets in backdoor political agendas and the resultant disastrous effects on public policy came spilling out. He took a breath, feeling strangely lightheaded. "I had more power than ever, but it felt…wrong. I wasn't myself. I didn't even go by my own name, it was too dangerous, Snoke told me, but it was actually so nothing could be traced back. It wasn't what I wanted to be doing, and it definitely wasn't what I had studied for. Snoke eventually promoted me to be his right hand. I should have been ecstatic, it was everything I thought I wanted. But I couldn't remove myself from what I was really doing. I was second in command of a company that targeted the neediest in society. That targeted _children_." He sighed, looking at his clasped hands. "And that wasn't much of a victory."

"Ben. Thank-you so much for sharing all of this. I can see that this has been very difficult for you."

He looked up at her. He had pressed the nail of his finger so deep into his palm he had drawn blood.

"I— I need to leave."

When he left Dr. Holdo's office that day, he fully intended to never come back. He didn't understand how she had been able to pinpoint exactly what he feared most about his relationship with Snoke. He had promised himself he would never ponder the specifics Snoke's emotional manipulation, because that's what it was, emotional manipulation, not affection, not kindness, not love. Ben had been isolated his entire adult life, and he was just beginning to realize the toll it had took on his perception of the world. It hurt, and he'd be damned if he'd willingly subject himself to Holdo's prying eyes again.

 _"There are people in your life who won't expect you to barter for affection."_

Leia's tired eyes came to his mind, and Ben made a second appointment.

* * *

A/N: I know, I know. Lots of angst and not a lot of Ben/Rey interaction. Unfortunately this chapter was necessary to set up the rest of the fic. I promise the next chapter will be FULL of sweet sweet UST.

Disclaimer: The therapy session was drawn from my own experiences as a client. I don't claim to know anything about psychotherapy.

Thanks! I love you all!

I'm vi-vax on tumblr.


	5. Chapter 5

Late October, 2018

When Ben stepped out of his apartment at 6:30am and began his now-daily trek to _The Falcon_ , it was Holdo's months-old words that kept him company in the fog-induced isolation of the early October morning.

 _"There are people in your life who won't expect you to barter for affection."_

At first that had meant Leia. His mother who had made so many mistakes, but was making every effort to reconnect with her estranged child. And then it had meant Han. His father, whose wounds had healed, but a scar across his forehead remained; a monument to Han's silent but fierce affection for his prodigal son. Han had insisted he start working at the run down coffee shop. Soon it meant Poe, and later, (after he had learnt to tolerate him) it meant Finn as well.

The concept of having friends, or at least friendly people whose only expectations involved a day's work, and a smile (he was working on that), was still foreign to him.

And then there was Rey. He wasn't sure what to think about her. She was kind to him, yes, (despite how terrible and awkward he was to her), but she also seemed… nervous around him. The way she couldn't quite meet his eyes when they were in close proximity, the way his stomach jumped when she laughed at his dry humour. It was…confusing. All signs suggested that Rey had a crush, but somehow he couldn't wrap his head around being the recipient when the giver was, well, _her_.

He was so deep in thought that he didn't at first notice the figure leaning up against The Falcon's heavy wooden door. She was wrapped in such a large scarf that it obscured her figure, however her tell-tale messy brown bun peaked out from the plaid cloth, giving her away.

 _And then there was Rey._

She spotted him, and took to attempting to untangle herself from her plaid cocoon.

"Oh hey, Ben!

"Uh, morning, Rey." He mumbled, fumbling for his keys.

"Are Poe and Finn sick? Usually they're here already."

Shit, he totally forgot.

"Poe didn't tell you? He and Finn are up north for his family's thanksgiving. I'm just here to do maintenance and bake halloween stuff."

Rey blinked.

"Wasn't thanksgiving like three weeks ago? Why's Poe's family do it now?"

"Well, half of Poe's family lives in the States and the other lives here. They compromise by celebrating half-way between Canadian and American thanksgiving."

"That's… why wouldn't they just celebrate thanksgiving twice?"

"Poe's family's pretty intense, I don't think he could deal with back-to-back thanksgivings. According to him, if he has to endure another anecdote about how millennials are killing off the breakfast cereal industry, he'll, and I quote, 'show them what a real cereal killer looks like.'"

"Hilarious."

"He thought so."

Both of them stood awkwardly in the entrance way.

"Well, I guess I'll get going. I think there's a Starbucks down the road that's open this early. I'll just go there." She shifted uncomfortably.

"Okay, yeah."

"Alright. See you, Ben. Have a good day."

"See you."

She turned away and began walking down the street. Something about her plaid-wrapped figure moving away from him made his stomach twist.

"Hey, wait."

She turned around, confused. He felt his face flush for no apparent reason.

"I mean, yeah, the shop's closed, but, uh, you can come in and study. If you want."

"If you're okay with it?"

He shrugged, taking in her bundled-up appearance. "It'll be less noisy than Starbucks." Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes bright in the cold morning air. He was glad when his warm breath obscured his wandering gaze.

"Um, okay." She shifted her books uncomfortably. "If you're sure? I don't want to get in your way. After all, I am basically a stranger to you."

Ben considered this. She was right, they really didn't know each other. And the times when they had interacted had generally ended in an exchange of barbs, an uncomfortable tightness in his heart (read: pants), or both. But he'd be damned if he didn't enjoy her sharp tongue.

"Poe and Finn seem to like you, so I think I can trust their judgement that you're not going to rob the place blind. And it's the least I can do after you fixed the espresso machine."

She smirked up at him, tugging at a stray lock that had come loose from her bun.

"Well, I'm glad you haven't pegged me as a thief. And don't worry about the espresso machine; it wasn't any trouble, really. I would have done it for any poor barista with burnt fingers."

 _Kindness is not a commodity, Ben._

"Yeah, but still, thanks."

She paused for a moment, deliberating and then smiled up at him. He felt his stomach twist again.

"You're welcome." She bit her lip. "Alright, I'll stay. But you've got to promise that you won't kick me out when I start talking to myself. I swear, it's part of the creative process of writing super boring essays."

He considered her, taking in again her flushed cheeks and red tipped nose. Her lips were plump and chapped from the October wind and where she had bitten them. He swallowed.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll put up with any weird rambling if you forgive me for being a complete asshole to you when we first met."

She narrowed her eyes, a serious expression on her face as she considered him.

"Hmm. You strike a hard bargain, but I think I can work with that." She dramatically tugged off a woollen glove and stuck out a small hand. Her finger nails were painted a chipped "Consider yourself forgiven, Mr. Ben."

He grasped her hand in his, marvelling how it was enveloped in his larger one. It was warm from her glove.

"Thanks. And it's Ben Solo. Mr. Ben sounds like I make rice or something."

"Alright, Mr. Solo. It it's Uncle Ben's. I should know, I basically live off the stuff. I used to eat that shit for every meal."

"Well," he smiled awkwardly as he yanked open _The Falcon's_ door. "After you. And feel free to help yourself to some of the leftover scones. I can't imagine rice is a particularly appetizing breakfast."

"Alright. As long as there's no walnuts."

Ben raised his hands in mock surrender. "I can assure you that all pastries have been since scoured for any offending nuts."

"Very considerate of you."

"Well, I couldn't have another body on my hands. I don't know how I'd explain that to the authorities."

"I suppose that's rational. Wait, _another_ body?"

He simply raised his eyebrows and held the door open for her. She ducked under his arm, just short enough to clear him, and turned around to glare playfully at him. "That's not encouraging, Ben."

"You'll be fine, I'd never hurt _you_. Someone else, maybe. But you? Not satisfying."

"A little dark, a little troubling, but I'll take it."

They sat in comfortable silence as Ben tinkered with several of the cafe's rusty stools and Rey munched on several day-old muffins. Eventually Ben began to slowly bring out the ingredients necessary for orange sugar cookies. As he began to roll out the dough, Rey found herself watching the way his arms flexed in time with the rolling pin. He had rolled up his sleeves leaving his forearms bare, what could she say?

She shook her head.

"Hey, Ben." Ben looked up, orange dough on his nose. She almost laughed but quickly stopped herself. "I forgot to thank you. For the scone."

He kept rolling the dough, orange nose and shapely forearms. "Uh, it wasn't any problem. I figured I'd make it up for nearly killing you."

"Hmm they're my favourite, you know. Blueberry lemon. How did you figure that one out?"

"I dunno. You just looked like a blueberry lemon kind of girl."

She laughed, setting down her highlighter. "And what does a blueberry lemon kind of girl look like?"

He straightened up and rubbed the back of his neck. Rey thought his cheeks seemed darker. "I dunno? Sweet? With a little bit of tart?"

"Am I so sour?" She fake pouted.

Ben raised an eyebrow. "Of course not. Blueberry lemon scones are the perfect balance of sweet and sour flavours.

She laughed. "That's the most creative compliment I've received in ages. I'll have to keep you around, barista Ben."

He smiled back at her, mirroring her enthusiasm, the orange dough lying forgotten.

"Well it's true. You can't choose flavours that are too bitter, because then people won't even try the dish. But you can't have too much sweetness either."

"Why's that? People like sweetness."

"Yeah, but the best combinations involve a give and take. Too much of one and people get bored." His gaze was intense. Rey flushed, looking back down at her work.

 _Were they still talking about pastries?_

There was silence for a few minutes as Ben used a pumpkin cookie cutter to shape his sugar cookies.

"Where did you learn to bake?"

He shrugged. "I liked watching baking shows as a kid. I guess I picked up the skill? My Uncle was also a pretty good cook, so I'd watch him when he was in town. He wasn't much help though. Didn't like recipes cause they were too restrictive or something, I dunno."

"Sounds like an odd guy."

"You don't even know the half of it. Uncle Luke was super into new age religions. He tried to teach me to meditate."

"I can't see that going well."

"You'd be right. He did teach me to make a good strudel, though. He learned it while staying in some bavarian monastery. Don't ask me for details, I really don't know."

"Ooh I bet the story was worth it though. I love strudel."

"I'll make it for you sometime, if you like?"

"That would be super cool, thanks Ben."

It was around noon when Rey, yawning widely, decided to call it (an early) day.

"I think I'm going to head out, Ben. I getting a headache, and I don't think I can format another citation without screaming."

"I'd better go too. I can't bake these yet 'cause I have to refrigerate the dough for 24 hours anyways."

"Damn, baking is so complex."

"I'm a complex kind of guy, I guess."

"Very emo, I like it."

"I'm glad." He held the door open for her. "Here."

"Aren't you leaving too?"

"I gotta set the alarm."

"Right."

She went to move past him, and she was again struck again by how tall he was. And how large his hands were, splayed against the wood of the door. She thought he could probably fit both hands around her waist. Well no, obviously that would never work, but god, she felt so small next to him. He could probably pick her up no problem. Which could be useful, you know, for reasons.

"I'll, uh, see you soon?"

She smiled. "Yeah, see you, Ben. Thanks again for letting me study… and for keeping me company."

"Don't worry about it."

There was a pause. Rey watched him as he set the shop's alarm, a small crooked smile on his long face. Again, she was struck by how…pleasant… he looked. "You have a really nice smile, Ben. I didn't notice until now." Liar, she had noticed like three weeks ago.

"Really? Why now?"

"Well, you stopped scowling for one."

"I apologized!"

"You did. And look how much better you are for it."

"Fair enough."

There was another pause in which both Ben and Rey stood awkwardly next to each other, neither making eye contact.

Rey spoke first, pink highlighting her cheeks. "Well, I gotta head out. This paper won't print itself."

"Yeah. See you."

"Bye, Ben."

* * *

 _October 31, 2018_

She jammed her planner back in her bag, barely holding back the angry tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.

She had been fighting this _for years_ , and it seemed like all her hard effort for nothing.

She had never been ashamed of who she was. Being an orphan had been hard, but she told herself she was stronger for it. But now, with the prospect of her funding being pulled, and the threat of deportation on legal grounds growing more and more likely, Rey wished for the umpteenth time that she had been born into at least a little bit of privilege.

She had been forced to work since she was a child at the mechanic shop owned by her foster father, Amos Plutt. One day, a week after her eighteenth birthday, he had caught her stealing equipment to fix up the old beat-up moped she had bought with her meagre earnings as his assistant. His rage had been terrible; Rey still had a scar over her right knee to prove it. He had threatened to throw Rey out on the street; it was his right after all, she was eighteen and he was no longer receiving funding from the government. Rey had begged and begged; she didn't have anywhere else to go. No one wanted to take in an undereducated orphan, whose only talents included nimble fingers and a passing knowledge of mechanics. Plutt had relented, reluctantly, on the grounds that Rey pay back the value of each and every part she had stolen. He had presented her with a contract, and in her relief that she wasn't about to be thrown out on the street, Rey had signed it without a second thought.

It was only when Rey brought up the idea of her going to college that Plutt disclosed the true nature of the document. Her employment and lodging were, as she knew, contingent on her paying back what she owed. What she hadn't realized was the amount Plutt claimed Rey owed him. It was impossible; she couldn't pay him back if she worked for fifty years, which, Rey now figured, was what Plutt had intended when he drew up the document.

So, desperate for freedom from Plutt, Rey had applied to several colleges in secret, using her legal name, Kira, as a decoy. She hadn't expected to be accepted oversees; the thought of leaving behind everything she knew was terrifying, at first. But the email had come, and with it, hope. So, saddled with a full scholarship, Rey fled from England and from Plutt.

She brushed back a stray hair from her wet eyes.

This advising appointment was supposed to set everything right, but as it turned out, Plutt hadn't forgotten about her in the three years that had past, and sent a legal notice to her advisor at Coruscant. It was simple: he was suing her for breach of contract, and for the full damages her abrupt departure had cost his company. She would be broke, shipped back to England, with only three-fourths of a degree. That is, if she lost the legal battle that was growing imminent.

Rey chocked out a tired sob. She didn't have time for this. She had papers to write and upcoming final exams to study for; she shouldn't be involved in a legal battle over some document she had naively signed five years ago.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she walked smack into someone exiting a nearby office. Her planner and the papers in it went flying.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry…Oh, uh, hey Ben!"

And indeed, the messy dark locks that hung over the face of the man she had just knocked over belonged to none other than her favourite grumpy barista.

"Oh hey, Rey. Sorry for that. Your things are everywhere. Here." He bent down to help her retrieve her belongings. "Uh…"

"Oh thanks. And don't apologize, I should have been watching were I was walking." She paused, it just now clicking that Ben was here on campus, for the second time this month. "Are you a student here? I thought you were graduated?"

"Uh, I am. Yeah. I was just visiting a, uh, friend. She…works here."

"Oh." Her eyebrows were raised high on her forehead. "That's cool."

"Yeah." It was then that she saw Ben notice her flushed face and unshed tears.

"Uh, are you okay?"

She bent to pick up her fallen planner. "I'm fine."

He raised his eyebrows to mirror where hers had been.

"Alright, I'm not. I'm just that I'm having some problems with funding. It's not a big deal, though."

"It seems like it is a big deal if you're upset about it."

"That's kind of you, but can we not talk about this? I don't want to start crying for real."

Ben scratched at the back of his head, as he handed Rey the last of her scattered papers.

"Sure yeah, hey, uh. I totally forgot to ask you. I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but… Poe and Finn and I are going out to Cantina's tonight. They were talking about asking you, but you haven't been by the Falcon in the last couple days, and neither of them have your cell."

"A club? With you guys?" Somehow she couldn't imagine Ben anywhere as, uh, _vital_ as a club.

"Yeah! I mean, it's kinda tradition that they go out on Halloween, so I'm being dragged along. I'd rather just stay home, but Poe goes on about how I need to be a team player, so…"

She thought about it. She should really be working on her next project, after all it was due next week. But she also loved Halloween; Plutt never let her celebrate as a kid, so she had taken it upon herself to making up for it each year of her university career. And she no longer had any plans: she and Rose had been planning on watching horror movies and gorging themselves on chocolate, but Rose had had to reluctantly cancel as she had been called into work that evening. Hmm. This could be fun. And Ben was right, seeing Poe and Finn dance would probably lift her spirits, regardless of if she decided to join in.

"Alright, then. I'll go."

Ben looked a bit surprise, but quickly schooled his features.

"Okay, cool! Uh, meet at the Falcon at closing? Oh and Rey? You have to wear a costume," he winced, "Poe insists."

* * *

A/N: Oooooh! Clubbing on Halloween! I wonder what could possibly happen?

So, I haven't fully decided on which costumes the gang will be wearing, so I'm opening it up to suggestions! Leave a review, or hit me up on tumblr with your thoughts on what Ben, Rey, Poe, Finn (and potentially Rose) should wear. Bonus points for nerdy ideas.

Also, check out this awesome edit Anna made for Bitter, Bitter! This honestly made my day. /nuwtwsumd22bdr

Thanks for reading! Leave a comment and tell me what you thought!

I'm vi-vax on tumblr.


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